Why Success Can Feel Like a Trap (And How to Break Free)

This might sound totally insane, but I regularly help people to escape from their success. I'm good at it.

It's because of a paradox that only successful people understand.

That it is extremely easy to achieve success but lose your way. To have everything you wanted and worked for, yet feel trapped and unfulfilled.

But you don't get much sympathy for that do you?

Nobody is having social media campaigns standing in solidarity with Type-A people who are struggling. Because the outward trappings, the Ocado deliveries, home electric charge points and long-distance holidays are coded to mean happiness.

But suffering is suffering, right? Beyond the basics. If you have a roof over your head, food on the table and are not being attacked, you can suffer or be happy all the way up the income scale.

I think we should extend sympathy and support to people (often in the middle part of life) who feel lost. And then we should help.

But where does it go wrong? Well, we all have our own stories, but this one is the classic one I see. Imagine an internal dialog over a glass of wine stood by the island in the kitchen as you stare out of the bifold doors:

You made some educational choices at 18, which led to some study, which led to an entry level job, which led to relationships, which led to a flat share, which led to a wedding and a mortgage, some promotions and then kids, and then more and more responsibilities and compromises.

Along the way you forgot who you are and what you ever wanted in the first place. When did you get a dog?

Which is why you feel trapped. But you are not allowed to feel sorry for yourself or complain, because you're supposed to be the one with the privilege. And anyway, you can't quit your job because of all the responsibilities. Trapped again.

At least you can afford a nicer takeaway than you used to. Sourdough pizza is nice. It fills you up, but does it leave you fulfilled?

If you are reading this and it resonates with you, I want you to know that the way you feel is real, it is valid, it is normal and it can come to an end. You are also not unusual.

So what's the solution?

I wish I could tell you that it was easy and quick, but it often isn't. When I guide people through my coaching program, it takes six months. But at the end of that they make huge shifts in their self-understanding, which sets them up for the rest of their lives.

If you want to start to explore that yourself, here's what I would suggest:

1. Don't make any dramatic moves right now. If you've been stuck for a while it's worth making sure you choose the right path now.
2. Spend time asking yourself what makes you happy in relation to yourself, your family, your community and your work.
3. Whatever you identify that's good, do more of that.
4. Be kind to yourself and try to laugh more.

This won't fix everything, but I promise it'll make you feel much less trapped and a little more fulfilled.

I hope you found that useful, Stephen

Find out more about my unique personal development coaching program and how it could work for you.