Why It Feels Like No One Understands What You're Up Against

I work with a lot of CEOs and Managing Directors. Also with heads of service and people who lead change. And so I get to spot patterns in the things they say and the challenges they face.

It's a cliché, but it really is lonely at the top. And so, if that's your experience, you are not alone (pun intended).

Why might that be? One of the main reasons is that leadership and the role of leaders is misunderstood. Collectively, we expect that the role of the leader is to have power and answers. When, in truth, the leader has less of both than we might assume.

When I was climbing the corporate ladder, I looked at the directors in my organisation this way. I assumed that, in their board meetings they would wield their authority and make big decisions.

When I became a director I discovered the truth is much more mundane. My overwhelming experience was that (thanks to corporate governance) I was drowning in paperwork and information, which was patchy and incomplete. My job was to try and assimilate all of that and to make minor decisions within the narrow confines of my authority and budget.

In other words, it was stunningly boring a lot of the time.

And, at the same time, everyone more junior than me thought I could do much more than I could. So they were often frustrated. If only I had had the authority it appeared that I had.

I think it is the mismatch between the perception and reality of authority and power that compounds the loneliness. You can't talk to your team about this, because they need you to seem in control. You can't talk to your peers about it, because they are wrestling with the same problems. You can't talk to your friends about it, because they think you've got it made. First world problems of the privileged, right?

So, who do you talk to?

I don't think it matters the specifics, as long as you do talk and you find the right solution for you. A place where you can talk honestly about your struggles as a lonely leader. That might be through a peer group, a mentor or a coach.

Once you can share your troubles, the loneliness starts to fade quickly. And then you can be at your best. Even if you are still not in control.

Stephen